In the future humans live on mars. In the future there are ghosts on Mars. In the future humans and ghosts cannot peacefully coexist.

This is Ghosts of Mars, a tale of humans who are now living on Mars, however other humans have been becoming possessed by ghosts and must kill kill kill. The hope of all humanity (on Mars) lies in the hands of a group of Mars-Police. One of such is Sgt. Jericho played by none other than Sgt. Statham.

It doesn’t take long for Statham to get rolling in this one. First he makes it clear that he is only in it for the bitches, giving the sly looking eye to the hot officer babe. Meanwhile he is playing a card game from the future feeding a delicious Stathamism.

Fuck me, the five of bats! You got the wheel up. What’s your wager?

The five of bats! How unlucky for Statham. Could this be forshadowing of his impending poor luck throughout the movie? Well it shows right away, as he hits on the hot officer babe. She is totally pro though and shuts him down. He laughs it off and starts planning what certainly will be a sneak attack.

In the future, you have to wear goggles on Mars in order to breath. What?

Statham explains.

I have numerous hidden talents.

Oh really?

I’ve got a mystical way with locks and mechanical objects.

Oh I get it now.

There isn’t a machine on Mars that doesn’t love me.

Laying it on hard! Still she plays hard to get, somehow. I figured he would have had her at “mystical way“.

Statham on drugs:

It turns your brain into Swiss cheese.

Eventually we get some action. Some people use a gun as a gun. Statham uses a gun as a sword.

Finally we get a hot make out sesh. That gets interrupted so we have to resort to more ass kickin.

Then he dies. Apparently eaten alive. Two disappointing deaths in a row, time to end this streak!

Overall Statham Rating: 4 five of bats out of 10 (not an average)

Amount of Statham: 6/10
There is an awful lot of Statham in this movie, however he doesn’t do as much as he could have. Another poorly written supporting role, with not enough Statham-central plot.

Stathamisms: 4/10
We get a small dose of excellent Stathamisms, highlighted by the the five of bats and his undying affection for mechanical objects. However most of his dialog is missing the witty element that we may or may not have expected.

Hard Action: 4/10
 A few fights with the ghost-possessed mine workers are decent. Statham uses his gun as a sword, which is braggable. Finally he is overwhelmed and torn apart by the savage ghosts. Weak!

Up next is The One, featuring Jet Li and Jet Li.