This is exciting, in my email today was the first opportunity I’ve ever had to be a media whore! The following is from an email I received from a marketing rep for Universal.

Hi Mark-
I know you’ve watched all the Statham movies possible, but have you been checking out the DVDs? I have some unreleased bonus feature clips from the upcoming Death Race DVD that you might enjoy analyzing too.
As I’m sure you know, the Death Race DVD will be released this Sunday 12/21.

Since my middle name is “sell out” and my second middle name is “seize the day”, I figured I’d bite.  So today I present you Bonus Feature: Bonus Feature-ology.  Or something like that.  I should probably have put more thought into the title.  All of the the “unreleased bonus feature clips” are publicly available on youtube and I’ve linked to each for your clicking pleasures.

Before you get started, I suggest you re-familiarize yourself with Death Race by reading my review of the Death Race trailer, which ended up being a surprisingly very accurate review of the actual movie.

Bonus Feature 1 - A Very Adult Form of Entertainment

Lesson Learned: In film, character development is of utmost importance.  To achieve this, cars must be on fire, cars must be shot at (not to be confused with cars with guns, a common amateur filmmaker misconception), and cars must flip.  All the gags are great but if you don’t have car fires, car gunfire, and car flips (fire optional) then it does not matter. Meet these stringent requirements of character development and your audience will be lured in.

However, don’t count on Statham being part of that audience, as he reveals that he is lured in mostly by “A Very Adult Form of Entertainment”.  Not just adult, but VERY adult.  The awkward emphasis of the word lure just drills the seediness home too.

Cars, guns, explosions, and a nice little taste of reverse footage close this one out.

Screenwriting Lessons Learned: 1
Dark Secrets Revealed: 1
Repeated Frames to Sync With Music: 6
Percentage of Total Footage Shown In Reverse: 3%

Bonus Feature 2 - Jason Statham in Death Race

Some dude talks about Statham’s qualities, and relates him to a young Bronson, Eastwood, or McQueen, thus making him good for the role.  I have to disagree. I would prefer to have related him to a human wrecking ball,  a fork lift, and a ballerina, combined if possible.

Mentions of Other Actors That Dude Wished Were in the Movie Instead of Statham: 5
Different Ways to Talk About Another Dude’s Body in a Totally Hetero Way: 13

Bonus Feature 3 - Tyrese Gets Tough

“I needed hard men to play that”

Ways of Saying Tyrese Fulfilled the Prototypical Black Man Role: 7
The word “hard”: 3
Too Early: 11:30am

Bonus Feature 4 - 3,2,1 Explosion

Shit blows up!

Number of Explosions: 14
Sequences of Numbers Where the Sum Equals the Product: 1
Slow Motion Drifting Through Puddles: 1
Failed Explosions: 2

Bonus Feature 5 - The Cars of Death Race

Further proof that cars are the heart of character development, to the point that the cars are the characters.  I’d go as far as to say that some of those cars had a tough veneer to them, reminded me of a young Bronson, Eastwood, or McQueen. But in all honesty, this video is what Pimp My Ride should have been from the start.

Stunt Drivers Saying ‘Vroom Vroom’: 1
German Cars Tied Into World War References: 1
Hot Ass Rims: 4
Way Too Awesome Boobs: 8

Bonus Feature 6 - Tyrese is a Big Softie

This one is just misleading. It starts out strong, with the promise of a cookie, but in the end leaves us unfulfilled.

Cookies: 0
Do I Know Who Joan Allen Is?: No

Bonus Feature 7 - Natalie Martinez in Death Race

If you bought the DVD and want to get a boner, this is a pretty good video to watch.  Highlighted by the fact that boobs are being shown off even more in the interview than in the actual movie.

Boobs: 2
Awkward Moments While Statham Talks About Girls: 7
Belly Buttons Checked for Lint: 1

Bonus Feature 8 - Death Race: No Ordinary Race

Hot chicks. What more do you need?

Hot chicks: 1
Airborne Vehicles: 4
Awkward Moments While Statham Talks About Girls: 3

Bonus Feature 9 - The Real Death Race

Some old dude and some dude with a mustache laugh over a burned up dead corpse.

Drawings of Cars: 3
Disfigurements: 1
How Many Firemen Does it Take to Extinguish 0 Fires?: 4